22nd July – Cycle 1, first Bleomycin top up

For some reason I awoke feeling really tired and nauseous – definitely the worst I’d felt since the weekend and the anti-nausea tablets and paracetamol didn’t seem to help at all.  However, there was no time for moping around as we had to be at the hospital for 9am.  I first went to have the dressing changed on my PICC line by a nurse before having my bloods taken.  At this point I was feeling really unwell and had to stop the nurse a few times as I felt feint whilst I was sat in the chair.  Thankfully I got through this and proceeded to wait for my appointment with the consultant Oncologist.

After a thankfully short wait (by this time I was becoming accustomed to waiting times in terms of hours rather than minutes) I went in to see Dr Stark who asked how I was getting on.  I said I’d struggled over the weekend and basically like I’d had the hangover from hell.  Obviously he was used to this kind of update and said that unfortunately it’s just part of the side effects.

He asked if I’d had any other notable side effects, particularly bleedings or fevers and thankfully I’d had neither of these.  He then examined my chest using a stethoscope to make sure my lungs were fit and ready for my first Bleomycin top up.  Whilst Bleomycin is one of the key parts of my chemo regime, it does come with some pretty significant risks regarding short and long-term effects on my lungs, but these are all relative compared to the reasons why I’m having this treatment in the first place.

I then headed to the ambulatory care unit ready for my top-up.  Unfortunately I had to wait an hour and a half until a place become available.  I can accept this type of delay as the nurses have to do an amazing juggling act dealing with all the patients who are dropping in and out during the day to receive different treatments with no definite way of knowing when they’ll turn up (as there’s a lag after patient’s clinical appointments).  What does frustrate me though is having to wait for appointments with the doctor, particularly when my 9.30am appointment (the first of the day) was already late by over half an hour, which of course then has a knock-on impact on all the other patient’s subsequent appointment times.  I don’t mean to come across as whining in my complaining, but surely the department could come up with a more efficient way of managing appointment times?

Once a seat became available I was hooked up to flush my PICC line before having the Bleomycin.  Thankfully this was only a 30 minute top up so we didn't have long to wait.  The waiting also gave me the opportunity to speak to the chap next to me who was receiving chemo for non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  I really felt for this guy, he'd been in remission for a couple of years, but had unfortunately relapsed.  He was in the process of starting a much longer course of chemo than I'm having, and if that weren't bad enough, after that he needs to go through some pretty brutal stem cell surgery and a long period in hospital.  

Listening to his story and how matter of fact and up-beat he was really made me stop and think.  If ever I needed a reality check and a reminder of just how lucky I am, this was definitely it.  For all the positive energy and upbeat thinking I've been trying to apply to treating my condition there have been many times when I've also drifted to thoughts of "why me?  What have I done to deserve this?"  However, having listened to this guy's story I made a vow to myself to never think like that again and to appreciate how lucky I am to have a positive prognosis and to have so much love and support from family and friends.